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Blackjack Jokes – Comic Relief for the Blackjack Player

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OK, I’ve been hitting you kind seekers of blackjack knowledge with some rather involved material. Some of it involved blackjack homework! So, I think you’ve earned some lighter thoughts this time out. I thusly present: My favorite blackjack jokes! Some of them might be slightly off color, but I’ll try to keep them mostly clean.

  • Blackjack Jokes # 1
    A guy comes rushing into his house and screams, "Charlotte, pack your bags! I just won $300,000 at the blackjack table!" His wife runs downstairs, laughing with delight! She says, "That’s great darling, should I pack for the beaches or the mountains?" He replies, "Why should I care? As long as you’re out of my house by midnight!"

  • Blackjack Jokes # 2
    A dealer watches, amazed, as a chimp sits down at his blackjack table, the beast’s handler in tow. He clears his throat and explains, "I’m sorry sir, only humans are allowed at these blackjack tables." The animal handler snorts, "Chimpy the Chimp knows more about blackjack than most humans. He has all the hand signals down. He taps when he wants a hit, waves his hand over the cards when he wants to stand, and matches his bet on a split or double!" The dealer looks confused and asks, "What does it mean when he waves both hands wildly in the air like that?" The handler blinks, then mutters, "It means he just peed on your leg."

  • Blackjack Jokes # 3
    A priest, a rabbi, and a minister are playing some blackjack when the police raid their home game. The cop turns to the priest and asks: "Father, were you just gambling?" The priest exclaims, "The Lord does not allow me to gamble, you know that Patrick, you’re from my parish!" The cop, chastened, then asks the minister: "Pastor, were you gambling?" The minister replies, "This is our Sabbath, officer, I would never game on the Sabbath!" The priest pins the cop with a glare, and he lets it drop. Turning to the rabbi, sheepishly, the officer ventures to ask: "Rabbi, I don’t suppose that you were you gambling?" The Rabbi looks left, looks right, and asks: "Who could I possibly be gambling with?"

  • Blackjack Jokes # 4
    Once there was this guy who lived in Boston. He had a great job, a beautiful wife, a house, and two adorable kids. Then one day he heard a Voice. The Voice said, "Quit your job, sell your property, and move to Las Vegas." He thought to himself, "I must be going crazy." But he kept hearing that Voice over and over in his head. It was driving him crazy! "Quit your job, sell all your property, and move to Las Vegas." He finally decided to go for it; this must be destiny! So the next day he quit his job, sold his home, and moved to Las Vegas. When he got there, the Voice said, "Go to the nearest casino." So he went there. Then the Voice said, "Go to the high rollers blackjack table. Put all your money down on the first hand." So he did, without any hesitation. The dealer put the cards out, and was showing a 9. The man had a 12. The Voice said, "Take a hit." He scratched the table, and picked up a ten for 22. The Voice said, "Aw, crap!"

There you are, some quality blackjack jokes for your gambling buddies! Enjoy.

Bill Ricardi
Blackjack Expert